Crisis of the Heart and Mind

 Left alone for so long that you felt you couldn't rely on anyone but yourself.  

Hurt so much You believe you don't need anyone, but yourself 

That you can't count on anyone but yourself

It can't be used against you if you don't count on anyone.

You don't open yourself up to anyone else. 

The betrayal from that moment of whomever or whatever you held in your heart left a vulnerability you never want to experience again.

It made you felt broken and weak.

You closed yourself off 

Deciding it was better this way.

Because remembering the pain of what it was like to be hurt that you don't want to ever feel that again, so you don't.  

Lost so many people in your life,

You'd close yourself off from caring like you once did

Or getting truly attached to anyone.

Because you believe it won't hurt as much once they're gone or if they leave.

To save yourself from that emptiness of their absence.

The pain of losing those you were closest to like family started that hole.

That void that never truly heals and you never want to feel that pain again.

But at what cost when it comes to finding someone or meeting someone who makes you see the "brighter side" of grey again. 

The person who wants so much to see the old you inside before you closed yourself off. 

Who can just see flashes of the old you in short moments,

In small actions.

Not knowing if you'll be able to be that person you once were so the cold heartedness doesn't drive them away.